Hello, I refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies.

“Some people are settling down, some people are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies.”
- Carrie Bradshaw

I love Sex and the City. Currently one of my favourite shows.

I have to admit, I am a new fan. I was hesitant to start watching it because I couldn't see how it could relate to my life and Sarah Jessica Parker wasn't, in my opinion, lead actress material. But as soon as I started watching the show... I fell in love. The girls are so amazing. And Carrie says some of the most amazing things that I have to post on this blog.

That first quote... exactly. I don't get how anyone can just date. I couldn't date someone who gave me anything less than butterflies. There has to be sparks... there has to be so much more then settling. Love, romance, dating, relationships... this is a big deal for me. I don't think I could ever settle for anything that isn't amazing.

“	I'm looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love.	”
—Carrie Bradshaw, in the series final

Another amazing Carrie quote. Who doesn't want that? I'm seventeen, but I wish I could be thirty. I want to skip past this teenage crap. I don't want to play the dating game, I don't want to date loser jerks, I don't want to "kiss some frogs before kissing a prince"... I want the real thing, now. I hate the dating game so much. I am the most awkward person on dates. I don't know what to say... or I say stupid things. I get nervous, I stumble and stutter. I look away awkwardly. At the end, do you hug them? Kiss them? Dating is annoying. And confusing. Once you get past that first few dates period and it turns into a relationship. I love relationships! I love when you are so comfortable around that person, you don't worry about what you say or do. Cute little pecks, hand-holding, cuddling, gestures... when everything is cute I love it. But I don't love full on comfortable. Comfortable can get boring. The last guy I "dated" (we didn't go out... we went on one date and sort of had a "thing" for a while), though the date was the usual level of awkwardness... he was also comfortable... safe. He was too... easy and predictable. We had no spark. I like a high level of spark. The sexual tension where you sometimes just want to jump them then and there... if you get what I mean. I like that. Passion. I love passion. I like kissing and meaning it. Kissing with passion.

Sorry rambling (you'll notice I do that a lot...). Back to Sex and the City.

I swear I am romantically challenged though (this is a term that Carrie has used before). I can't seem to get the romantic guy. And I can't seem to show romance to the people I want to show it to. So instead, I become a slut. Since it has become too difficult to give away my heart... why not give away my body. Sex disguised as love. Again, I have no idea where this is going, so I'm going to end this paragraph.

Okay so, I just spent fifteen minutes trying to choose my next Carrie quote. And I decided to use one to argue against...

Being single used to mean that nobody wanted you. Now it means you're pretty sexy and you're taking your time deciding how you want your life to be and who you want to spend it with - Carrie Bradshaw.

Believe me, it still fucking means that. I haven't had a proper boyfriend in three years. I've been on... four dates in those three years. I've been asked out... three times in those three years. How fucking pathetic. Yet in those three years I've hooked up with sixteen people (as far as I remember...). I don't want to be single. And I don't enjoy meaningless hook ups. But, look at that. Look. At. That. Pathetic.

Did I really love Big, or was I addicted to the pain, the exquisite pain, of wanting someone so unattainable. - Carrie Bradshaw.

This quote... is me. I worked out through many, many, many diary entries, I want what I can't have. I always do. Let us take a look at the two main guys I have feelings for right now. Guy number one - let's call him complicated. He has feelings for like a gazillion (like I said, my favourite number exaggeration) other girls and can't ever see himself dating me. Yet, I don't let go and keep letting myself get hurt every time I remember this. Guy number two - we'll call him taken. He has a girlfriend. Just greeeeeeat. But he flirts with me on a daily basis and I flirt back. We both have made it clear that if the opportunity arises, we would most likely have sex - because we both are quite attracted to each other. BUT he has a girlfriend. And I won't let him cheat. He has never cheated... and he keeps implying he might on formal night with me. Which puts me in a massive moral dilemma. I go for the fucking complicated, unattainable guys who just suck. And this angers me immensely.

So though this blog was a bunch of 1.30am ramblings, the point was Sex and the City and my fucked up love life. I like to ramble about myself. You'll realize that in the near future blog readers (or no one will, who knows if anyone will read this... ha).

To leave it on a Sex and the City note - here is some last quotes.

Eventually all the pieces fall into place....until then, laugh at the confusion, live for the moment, and know that everything happens for a reason - Carrie Bradshaw

So just love, make mistakes, and have wonderful times, but never second guess who you are, where you have been, and most importantly, where it is you are going - Carrie Bradshaw

Sometimes we need to stop analyzing the past, stop planning the future, stop figuring out precisely how we feel, stop deciding exactly what we want, and just see what happens - Carrie Bradshaw

- Dee.